


Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your Dad?

by escapewithwriting



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, erin's backstory is the same, it's thanksgiving what do you expect, no abby or patty, nothing in the movie has happened, some mild biphobia/homophobia, the fastest of burns, this is so ridiculous i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 19:23:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8634916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapewithwriting/pseuds/escapewithwriting
Summary: ‘I am a 32-year-old woman. I have been described by others as a mad-scientist, and an incredibly queer one at that. (Gay by birth, scientist by choice). If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.I can do the following things, at your request:’/Or, the one where Erin invites a stranger to Thanksgiving to piss of her parents.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This AU is directly inspired by [this tumblr post of a craigslist ad.](http://elizaataylor.tumblr.com/post/153515777833)  
> Nothing from the movie has happened, but Erin’s backstory is the same.  
> 

Erin Gilbert wasn’t exactly sure how she had gotten onto the ‘casual encounters’ section of Craigslist.

She was not looking for a casual encounter.

But she was alone on a Friday night, drinking a glass of wine on her couch. She had already spent over an hour on Buzzfeed. But one click-bait article led to another, and here she was. And apparently browsing through random categories on craigslist was a tad more interesting than the stack of unmarked exams sitting on her coffee table.

She was just about ready to click out of the tab and end the spiral, when the title of one of the listings caught her eye.

‘Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at Your Dad?’

Curious, she clicked on the ad.

‘ _I am a 32-year-old woman. I have been described by others as a mad-scientist, and an incredibly queer one at that. (Gay by birth, scientist by choice). If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game._

_I can do these things, at your request:_

  * __Openly flirt with you__
  * _Openly flirt with other female guests, up to and including your mother (while you pretend not to notice)_
  * _Propose in front of everyone_
  * _Start discussions about politics/religion_
  * _Pretend to be incredibly drunk as the evening goes on_
  * _Very obviously excuse us both from the room and go into a bedroom/bathroom/closet with you for a period of time_
  * _Accidentally set something on fire, or cause a small explosion_



_I also have a diverse portfolio of stories to tell your family members, up to and including:_

  * _That time I accidentally put someone in a coma_
  * __That time I didn’t sleep for 5 days and started hallucinating__
  * _Decades of gay stories_
  * _Lengthy and enthusiastic descriptions of my work that no-one without a PhD in the relevant fields will be able to follow_
  * _Detailed descriptions of laboratory incidents_
  * __Detailed length stories about my children, with our without revealing they are Chinchillas__
  * _*Note: can insert you into any/all of these stories if you wish*_



_I require no pay but the free meal I will receive as a guest!_ ’

Erin chuckled and exited the tab, and that was it.

 

Until the next afternoon.

Her mother had called at 4:08pm. It was currently 4:26pm, and Erin had probably gotten two words in.

‘Anyway so then Jean said if he wasn’t going to, then she wouldn’t either. And then he stormed out and his car wasn’t back in the driveway the next morning! But then get this, he was back around 10am. So they must be working things out.’

‘Mm, that’s fascinating, Mom.’

She let her mother keep rambling on for another ten minutes, before telling her that she had to go.

‘Fine,’ Her mom sighed, ‘I’ll see you next week for Thanksgiving. Come around five please. And dress nicely for once? Will Phil be coming again too?’

‘Oh, no, he won’t be. We broke up.’

‘What?’ Her mother sighed. ‘I can’t say I’m surprised.’

Erin frowned. ‘Yeah, he wasn’t…’ She began to say, but her mother cut her off.

‘Only you would break up with a perfectly reasonable and responsible young man with a respectable career. He was actually husband and father material so-‘

‘You only met him once,’ Erin interjected, but her mother didn’t hear and kept powering on.

‘So of course you had to break up with him. This is your problem; you are just constantly trying to make life harder for yourself! You have since you were a kid! I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve, but you are sabotaging your own life. It’s like you don’t even want to be a normal, functioning member of society. And you’re not 30 anymore either. Time’s running out for you to have children, are you forgetting that?’

Erin bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself retorting. She had learnt a long time ago that the best way to deal with her mother was to just shut up and let her run out of steam.

Her mother sighed. ‘Oh Erin, honey, I just don’t want you to wake up alone and unhappy in ten years time and regret not keeping a nice man like Phil around.’

There were a million things Erin wanted to reply with. That she and Phil just drifted apart and neither of them really cared that the relationship was over. That she didn’t want, and had never wanted kids. That she was an incredibly accomplished scientist, with many awards and publications to her name. She’d even been referred to as an asset to modern physics, for crying out loud.

But apparently none of that mattered to her mother.

So she didn’t say any of that. What she said instead, was:

‘Actually, I’m going to be bringing my new partner to Thanksgiving.’

And she hung up before her mother had a chance to respond.

She grabbed her laptop, and with a few clicks brought up the page she was looking for.

‘Hi, my name is Erin, and if you’re still free, I’d love to invite you to my family’s Thanksgiving.’

The email was sent before she could lose her nerve.

 

* * *

 

Erin avoided checking her computer until later that night.

She had since calmed down from the phone call, and was beginning to second guess emailing the craigslist girl. She’d been putting up with family Thanksgivings all of her life without a fuss, she could suffer in silence through another one.

That thought was interrupted by the ping of an incoming email.

‘Hi Erin, believe it or not, you were the first to contact me. I’d love to join you :) Would you prefer to text?’

Listed was a mobile number, and below that another smiley face, and the name ‘Holtz’.

Erin considered replying saying that she had changed her mind. After all, this was nuts. Bringing a complete stranger to her parents’ house for the sole purpose of pissing them off? It was definitely not going to end well.

But her mother’s earlier rant was still in her head, and Erin found herself not really caring if her parents flipped out over this new ‘partner’.

(And she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious about this ‘Holtz’ woman.)   

So she picked up her phone and began typing.

‘Hi Holtz, it’s Erin (from craigslist)’

Just as she pressed send, a thought occurred to her and she typed out another message.

‘Quick question- is Holtz a first/last/nickname?’

A ‘typing’ bubble popped up, and Erin waited, surprised to realise she was feeling a bit nervous.

‘Hi Erin!’

The typing bubble reappeared.

‘Short for Holtzmann’

‘Which is my last name’

‘My first name is Jillian’

‘You can call me by whatever, I don’t mind. Whatever will piss your parents off more :P’

Erin grinned, and typed a reply.

‘Holtz it is then.’

They texted back and forth for the rest of the night. Holtz was excited to find out that Erin was a scientist too. (When Erin told her that she was a physicist a Columbia, Holtz had responded with three exclamation marks and a ‘:D’ emoji.) Erin assured her that what her parents lacked in winning personalities, they made up for with cooking skills, and they agreed on a pick up time and place for Thanksgiving afternoon.

Erin found herself grinning as she climbed into bed that night. Thanksgiving was going to be very interesting, and possibly even enjoyable, this year.

 

* * *

 

The week flew by, and suddenly it was Thanksgiving day.

Erin had been busy all week, but texted Holtz the previous day to double check she was still in, receiving: ‘yes! if you still want me!’, as a reply.  

So here Erin was, parked on the block she had agreed to pick Holtz up from.

Her heart was racing. It probably should have hit her before now that she would be spending the evening pretending to date a complete stranger. Who she was going to be driving, in her car. And taking into her parents’ home. Holtz could be a serial killer. Erin counted her breaths, trying to calm herself down. She’d texted with Holtz and she didn’t get any serial-killer vibes from her then. It was going to be fine.

However, she was also beginning to realise that perhaps seeing a photo of the other woman would have been a good idea; any of the people walking by could be her. She climbed out of the car and stood beside it on the sidewalk, phone out, ready to text Holtz to say that she was here.

‘You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders.’

Erin spun around to see the owner of the voice.

‘Hi, sorry, you’re-‘

‘Jillian Holtzmann. And delighted to meet you.’

Erin had guessed that she was Holtz before her saying so. From the ad, and their brief text conversation, she would have been surprised if she looked any less than this.

The woman was slightly shorter than her, with yellow-lensed glasses and a mess of blonde curls pinned up on the top of her head. Her lips were turned into a smirk, prominent dimples on either cheek.

She was wearing a black leather jacket over a beige waistcoat, with only the second button done up. Erin was pretty sure she could see rainbow-patterned socks peeking through between the top of the boots and the ending of the loose dark trousers. Around her neck was a nicely-tied multi-coloured scarf, and a pendant that hung on a long chain. It was circular, with a ‘u’ in the middle, with a line through the ‘u’. No, not a line, Erin realised. A screw.

She was literally wearing a necklace that said ‘screw you’.

Holtz offered her hand, and Erin shook it. Her handshake was firm.

‘Still wanna do this?’ Holtz grinned, gesturing to herself.

A smile spread across Erin’s face, picturing her parents’ reactions when she brought this woman to their front door. ‘Absolutely.’

Holtz immediately made herself comfy in the car, reclining the seat a bit and, after a questioning look and a nod from Erin, put a foot up on the dashboard.

‘My parents’ place is just over an hour away,’ Erin explained, pulling out onto the street.

‘Sweet,’ Holtz responded, ‘so, what are your parents like?’

Erin groaned, causing Holtz to laugh.

‘That bad, huh?’

‘I mean, they could be worse. They’re not open, loud, bigoted assholes. Just your classic uptight, stuffy, conservative sort.’

Holtz nodded. ‘Sounds familiar. Will they be surprised that you’re bringing home a girlfriend?’ She asked, doing finger quotes at ‘girlfriend’.

Erin considered this. ‘Probably. Not that they should be - I told them I was bi when I was 18. And I’ve introduced more than one ex-girlfriend to them. But they’ve probably conveniently forgotten about all that. The last person I dated was a guy.’ She explained.

Holtz made an ‘ok’ sign with her hand and rolled her eyes. ‘Classic parental biphobia.’

Erin laughed and nodded.

There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Holtz piqued up. ‘How did we meet?’

‘Huh?’

Holtz waved her hands. ‘They might ask us how we met. We could tell the truth and say craigslist, that would probably horrify them.’

‘Oh it would. Or we could just say through work. We’re both scientists, that’ll be enough of a coincidence for them,’ Erin paused, ‘I’m actually a little surprised we haven’t crossed paths before.’

‘Same,’ she agreed, ‘and I know we didn’t, cause I definitely would have remembered you,’ wiggling her eyebrows at the last bit.   

Erin felt her cheeks heat up and she put her focus back onto the road.

‘So have you done stuff like this before? Torment girls’ parents?’

‘Yep,’ Holtz replied, popping the p, ‘although not usually deliberately.’  Her tone was light and joking, but Erin shot her a sympathetic look. Holtz winked at her. ‘I am very good at it though.’

Erin quickly looked back out to the front again, trying not to smile.

After that they settled into an easy conversation about their work. It took a couple of prodding questions from Holtz for Erin to realise that she was someone who could not only understand her work, but was genuinely interested to hear about it too.

And Holtz’s work was fascinating too. She was an engineer, specialising in experimental particle physics. While Erin was purely theoretical, there was enough overlap in their fields to have an engaging discussion about it.

‘We’re almost there,’ Erin said, surprised as to how quickly the drive went by.

Holtz sat up. ‘Oh, almost forgot. We should have a safe word.’

‘What?’ Erin spluttered.

‘A safe word. A pre-agreed upon code word that-‘

Erin interrupted her. ‘I know what a safe word is. Just, why do we need one?’ She felt herself blushing for the third time that car ride.

‘Ya know, just in case. I don’t want to take things too far in front of your family.’

‘Oh, ok yeah. And my family is more of a silent judgement type but if you get uncomfortable…’ Erin straightened up. ‘How about ‘Heisenberg’?’

Holtz looked over to Erin, grin spreading across her face. ‘As in the uncertainty principle?’ When Erin nodded, she clapped her hands together and laughed. ‘Excellent, I love it!’

As the streets began to look more and more familiar, Erin’s heart rate picked up.

She wanted to put her nerves down to the fact that she was about to create some family drama, that she wasn’t still this affected by her childhood experiences and her parents.

But here she was, a grown-ass woman, having unpleasant memories and feelings resurfacing simply by being in the neighbourhood where she grew up. They passed the bus stop where elementary-aged Erin would get bits of food thrown at her by kids yelling ‘ghost girl’.

Erin gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Too late, she realised that Holtz was looking at her with concern.

‘You ok?’

Erin blinked, snapping herself out of it. ‘Yeah,’ she stretched her fingers out on the steering wheel, embarrassed about how easily she was read, ‘just some not-so-fun memories around here.’

Holtz studied her. ‘We don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to. I can take the bus back home.’

Erin shook her head. ‘Nope, it’s not you I’m worried about. Besides, something tells me that this is going to be the most entertaining thanksgiving I’ve had in a long time.’

This was met with a grin. ‘Same for me.’   

 

Erin pulled up in front of a modest-sized two story house, with a perfectly manicured lawn and garden. She took a breath, still feeling her heart racing. ‘We’re here.’

As they walked up to the front door, Holtz grabbed her hand. ‘Ok?’

She nodded, comforted by the steadiness of the other woman.

With her free hand, she reached up and knocked on the solid oak-wood door. A few moments later, the door was opened and Erin’s father was standing on the other side.

Erin let go of Holtz’s hand and gave him a stiff hug. ‘Hi Dad,’ she stepped back and put her hand around Holtz’s shoulder, ‘this is my girlfriend, Holtzmann.’

The older man was speechless. He looked between the two of them, mouth slightly open and eyebrows furrowed. As if on autopilot, he raised a hand out for Holtz to shake, which she did.

And then pulled him into a bear hug.

‘Mr Gilbert, absolutely chuffed to finally meet you!’ She explained, patting him on the back.

Erin bit the inside of her check to stop herself from grinning when her dad looked at her with wide, panicked eyes.

Erin’s mom appeared in the hallway, smile immediately replaced with a puzzled look as she saw the strange woman hugging her husband.

‘Hi Mom, this is Holtz. My girlfriend,’ Erin called out to her.

Without a second's hesitation, Holtz released Mr Gilbert and moved straight over to Mrs Gilbert, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her into a hug.

Erin avoided looking at her father, staring at a spot on the floor as Holtz continued to hug the older woman.

After a few more moments, Holtz held Mrs Gilbert at arm’s length and grinned, looking between her and Mr Gilbert. ‘Absolutely splendid to meet you both. Erin’s told me so much about you.’

Mrs Gilbert shrugged off Holtz’s hands and smiled weakly. ‘Please, come through to the living room,’ and she hurried off, Erin’s dad in tow.

Erin caught up with Holtz in the hallway.

‘How was that?’ Holtz asked.

Erin finally let her smile break out. ‘Excellent.’

Hoping she wasn’t overstepping, Erin tentatively placed her hand on Holtz’s back as she guided her to the living room. Holtz looked back and gave her a small grin, so Erin kept her hand there as they walked.

 

The living room looked like it belonged to old people, but it had been exactly like that for as long as Erin could remember.

The only things that had changed since Erin was a kid was the TV in the corner, and additions to the collection of photo frames in the cabinets lining the walls. Taking up the majority of the room was a set of lounge chairs, the overstuffed gaudy floral type that was well faded from age and use. Both of the two seaters were occupied, and since Erin’s parents still seemed to be in shock, Erin got started on introductions.

‘This is my girlfriend, Holtz. Holtz, this is Aunty Linda and Uncle Rodney, my cousin Jessica, her husband Craig and their son Tyler.’

Holtz saluted with two fingers and grinned. ‘Lovely to meet you all.’

Erin’s aunt leaned forward, hands clasped together and eyes practically bulging out of her skull. ‘Well. Your mother told me you broke up with Phil, but she did not tell me that you were a homosexual now!’

‘Mom!’ Erin’s cousin Jessica hissed, at the same time Mrs Gilbert excused herself to the kitchen.

Mr Gilbert sat down on one of the two remaining arm chairs, leaning on his right arm, hand rubbing his forehead.

Erin sighed. ‘I date men and women. Right now, I happen to be dating a woman.’

‘There is a child in the room, enough of this.’ Uncle Rodney said sharply, holding a scotch glass up and glaring at Erin and Holtz under his bushy eyebrows.

Erin glanced at Tyler. The six-year-old was playing on his DS and probably hadn’t even noticed Erin and Holtz walk in, let alone any of the conversation happening around him.

‘It’s fine, dad,’ Jessica said, patting her son on the shoulder. She looked up and met Erin’s eye, and mouthed ‘sorry’.

Erin gave a small smile in return, pleasantly surprised that a member of her family had spoken up like that.

It was hardly a gesture worthy of Ally of the Year, but in her family, where you were expected to sit quietly and agree with your parents, that was a big deal.

Grabbing Holtzmann by the wrist, Erin moved to the last remaining chair. It was only a single seater, but it would be wide enough for her and Holtz to squeeze onto, with the bonus of some borderline-cuddling.

(The bonus being it would further torment her dad.)

Holtz did not seem to mind the arrangement at all, letting Erin sit down first, before hanging her legs over the armrest and leaning onto Erin’s torso.

After a bit of squirming they were both surprisingly comfortable, and the scowl from Uncle Rodney was only beaten by the one on her dad’s face.

There was an uncomfortable silence, which Jessica broke by asking Erin how Columbia was treating her.

Erin replied with a polite, abridged version of what she told Holtz in the car. Her research was going well, she had one of her papers published last month, and she enjoyed lecturing but not the grading that went along with it. She brightened. ‘Oh, and I’m on track for tenure.’

‘Oh that’s wonderful Erin,’ her aunt said, with a thin-lipped smile.

Mr Gilbert took a drink. ‘It’s taking a while, isn’t it?’

Erin frowned. ‘I mean, it’s a long process, and I am being considered relatively early in my career…’

Jessica’s husband spoke up, stopping Erin’s dad from replying. ‘Uh, Holtz, what do you do?’

‘Engineer. Specialising in experimental particle physics,’ seeing the polite, but blank, nodding faces, Holtz added, ‘I make things go boom.’ She mimed an explosion with her hands.

‘That sounds dangerous.’ Aunt Linda said faintly, after another pregnant pause.

Holtz cackled. ‘Oh yeah, totally is. Cannot tell you the amount of times something I’m working on has literally blown up in my face.’ She raised an eyebrow and lowered her voice. ‘I buy a new fire extinguisher every two days.’   

Erin held back a grin, unsure if it was caused by the stunned looks her family members were giving each other, or the fact that she had no doubt Holtz was not exaggerating.

‘One time,’ Holtz continued on, taking no notice of the reaction she was eliciting, ‘they had to evacuate the building cause of a fire I started. It wasn’t even from an actual experiment. I was just trying to impress a girl.’

Erin also had zero doubts that that was a true story too. A burst of inspiration struck. ‘It was worth it,’ she said, and turned her head and kissed Holtz on the cheek.

Holtz, to her credit, didn’t skip a beat and beamed back at her. ‘Best two thousand dollar fine I ever received.’

The stunned silence continued, until Jessica, after sharing a look with her husband, spoke up and began talking about how Tyler was doing at school.

Erin nodded along politely, not really listening. Her dad was still glaring at her, refusing to make eye contact with her aunt, who seemed delighted to be witnessing some family drama, or her uncle, who was not hiding his look of disgust very well. Erin’s heart was racing, but not in a two-seconds-away-from-a-panic-attack way, but from adrenaline.

She’d never actually deliberately pissed her parents off like this before.

Sharp glares would probably be the extent of the backlash she’d get tonight, there was no way her parents would want to create a scene in front of the extended family. But she knew she’d be in for some unpleasant phone conversations after the night was over.

And yet, she was actually realising that she did not care.

The amount of times in the past she had wanted to stand up for herself but didn’t, the amount of crap they put her through as a kid, and now as a grown woman. This was a small amount of payback.

As if she could tell what Erin was thinking, Holtz glanced at her and patted her on the arm. Erin met her eyes, and they exchanged a small smile.

Another uncomfortable silence descended on the room, which was luckily broken after a moment by Mrs Gilbert calling out from the kitchen.

Mr Gilbert stood up abruptly, and left the room. Erin was pretty sure he’d be going straight to her mom to have a hushed discussion about her. The others stood up and followed, aunt Linda making a comment to Jessica about needing a hand to set the table and bring out the food.  

 

Erin reluctantly stood up, not in any hurry to leave the room. Holtz jumped up and, not in a hurry to join the rest in the dining room either, began looking at some of the photo frames.

‘I think this is going pretty well,’ she murmured, ‘whatadya think?’

‘I’m having probably too much fun,’ Erin admitted, ‘definitely going to pay for this later though.’

Holtz looked up from the photo frames and grinned at her.

They met eyes for a moment, before Holtz looked back down. ‘You were a cute kid.’

Erin moved closed to the cabinet and scoffed. ‘I don’t think there’s a single photo in this room that wasn’t deliberately posed and constructed.’

She pointed to one family photo, taken at Disneyland when Erin was around 10 years old.

‘Twenty minutes before that one was taken, I had a panic attack, which Dad yelled at me for having, and then was pushed into the bathroom and told to clean myself up, while my mom lectured me about being an attention seeker who was trying to ruin the day for us all.’

She picked up the frame next to that one. Another family portrait, posed at the table with a grinning Erin sitting behind a large cake. ‘15th birthday. They had a huge fight the previous night. Dad slept on the couch. They had ignored each other all day, until it was photo time. The whole extended family got a copy of this photo, and as long as we look like a perfect, normal family from the outside, that’s all that matters, right?’

She frowned, putting the frame down quickly and looked over to Holtz. ‘Sorry, you don’t need to hear all that,’ she said, smiling apologetically.

Holtz squeezed her shoulder. ‘No, it’s fine.’ She made a face. ‘Ooh boy, you should hear some of my family stories.’

Before Erin had a chance to respond, her mom called out again from the dining room.

Holtz grabbed Erin’s hand and grinned. ‘Leggo.’

 

* * *

 

The dining table was piled with food. In the centre was a perfectly roasted turkey, and surrounding it on the table were multitudes of side dishes, from mashed potatoes and gravy, to baked sweet potatoes with marshmallows and green bean casserole. Erin wondered how many hours her mother had spent getting this all prepared perfectly, and was secretly glad that she was too much of a perfectionist to allow anyone to come and help her.

She couldn’t think of anything worse than spending all day in a small kitchen with her stressed-out mother.

Erin and Holtz took the two remaining seats at the table, opposite Erin’s parents. The square table normally sat two-aside, but Tyler was squeezed in between his parents.

‘This food looks amazing, Mom.’ Erin said, trying to break the silence that fell on the room when they walked in.

Mrs Gilbert didn’t acknowledge Erin’s comment, and instead started off the giving thanks.

‘I’m thankful to have raised a beautiful, respectful, accomplished daughter who has so much potential.’

Erin looked her mom in the eye, neither saying anything more.

Mr Gilbert cleared his throat. ‘I’m thankful to have such a hard-working wife who is an amazing cook.’

The next side of the table went, but Erin barely heard them, planning a new thing to say. If her mom was going to be all passive aggressive like that, she would be to.

Everyone looked to her. Her turn.

‘I’m thankful to have a supportive and accepting family.’

She looked up at her parents, who were staring back at her, expressions unreadable.

The tension was cut by Jessica, prompting Holtz to tell everyone what she was thankful for.

Erin raised a glass of water to her lips, curious as to what Holtzmann was going to say.

‘Mouthwash.’

Erin choked on the water, putting the glass down and raising a hand to her mouth as she attempted not to laugh.

Holtz, to her credit, managed to say it with a straight face. Until she glanced at Erin and had to press her lips together to hide her grin.

The rest of the table looked at each other in confusion, before Jessica, who was next around the table, began to say what she was thankful for.

Finally, they were all done, and Erin had regained her composure by the time her father began saying the prayer, and soon they were piling their plates high with food.

Very high, in Holtz’s case.

Conversation ceased as everyone began eating, and Erin was grateful for the break.

She found herself watching Holtz, fascinated at the way she ate like someone who had never eaten in public before. The rate she was shovelling forkfuls of food into her mouth was almost as impressive as the fact that she was managing to swallow it all without choking, or stopping to breathe.

‘See something you like?’ Holtz said, pausing to look at Erin, mouth full of potatoes.

Erin felt herself blush and looked back at her food. A second too late she remembered that they were actually pretending to be dating, and she probably should think of a better response next time, instead of getting all flustered.

 

After a few minutes of silent eating, Mrs Gilbert spoke up.

‘Jessica, how’s your pregnancy going?’ She glanced over to Erin. ‘I can’t wait to meet my new grand-niece or nephew.’

Jessica beamed, placing a hand on her stomach, which was just beginning to show. ‘It’s been perfect so far,’ she gushed, ‘morning sickness phase is over, and Craig has been doing up the new room.’

Craig ruffled his son’s hair. ‘And Tyler is pretty excited to have a baby sibling, aren’t you buddy?’

Tyler nodded, too preoccupied with eating to contribute to the conversation.

‘Isn’t being a mom just so rewarding?’ Mrs Gilbert continued, and Erin rolled her eyes.

Before Jessica had a chance to respond, Holtz interjected, mouth full of food. ‘It’s the best.’

Everyone looked at her in surprise.

Aunt Linda was the first to speak up. ‘Do… do you have children?’

Holtz seemed oblivious to everyone’s reaction, chewing while waving her fork around. ‘Yep. Four of ‘em.’   

Erin wanted to take a photo of her mother’s face right then and frame it.

‘Where are they tonight?’

‘At home.’

Erin looked down at her plate to keep herself from laughing at the looks her family were giving each other.

‘You left them at home?’

Holtz nodded. ‘I made this awesome automatic feeder in my workshop. It’s great for when I get caught up at work and can’t make it home to give them their dinner. Or when I’ve got a hot date.’ She winked at Erin, and then turned to look at Jessica, elbow on the table and head resting on her palm. ‘Trust me, it’s great having more than one, they can entertain each other.’

Erin looked up to see the silent looks of horror on everyone’s face. She looked over to Holtz, who tilted her head, a non-verbal ‘should I tell them?’

Erin was tempted to keep the bit going, but gave a small nod, only because she thought her mother might be two seconds away from jumping up and calling the police.

Holtz made a face, twirling her hand. ‘They’re Chinchillas.’

It took a second for them to process this new piece of information, followed by some sounds of relief mixed in with uneasy laughter.

Small talk resumed between the others, and Holtz was too preoccupied with eating to tell any more stories.

 

After Holtz polished off her first place, Mrs Gilbert told her that she was more than welcome to help herself to seconds, which she did, immediately.

Chewing happily, Holtz started talking again. ‘Ya know, this is the best meal I’ve had in quite a bit. My kitchen’s out of action. Pretty sure it’s haunted.’

There was a clinging of a fork as Erin and her parents froze.

Holtz didn’t notice, and continued on. ‘Uh huh, there’s definitely a ghost living in there. One time…’

‘Heisenberg,’ she said quietly, finding her voice.

Holtz didn’t skip a beat. ‘One time, I didn’t sleep for 5 days.’ She looked around the table, eyes wide. ‘Yep. I don’t even want to know how much caffeine was in my system. Pretty sure it was reaching toxic levels. So I was working on this prototype for a machine,’ she continued on, going into elaborate detail about a ridiculous idea she had, that just kept getting more outrageous the longer she stayed in the lab.

Erin focused on a spot on the table cloth, not wanting to make eye contact with her mom or dad.

In hindsight, she probably should have mentioned to Holtz that ghost-related things were off the table, but she hadn’t had to tell that story to anyone in a while.

As she worked on her breathing in an attempt to slow her racing heartbeat, she felt a hand touch her thigh, just above her knee. Holtz was still talking, but one of her hands had moved to rest lightly on Erin’s leg.

Erin gave the slightest nod of her head to indicate that it was ok. Holtz didn’t give any indication that she had noticed the nod, except for the fact her hand now rested there.

If any of her family noticed, they gave no indication, which made Erin realise that Holtz could have easily made a much bigger deal of this affectionate display if she wanted.

Instead, she must have noticed Erin’s anxiety, and was genuinely trying to comfort her.

Holtz is just a good person, Erin reminded herself, who is pretending to date you in front of your family. That was all.

But the action still made Erin’s heart beat faster, which was a bit counteractive, considering she was trying to calm herself down from an anxiety attack.

However, after a few moments had passed, she would be lying if she said the other woman’s hand on her had not calmed her considerably.

 

After Holtzmann finished her sleep-deprivation story, Holtz returned her focus to the food in front of her, and normal conversation resumed. (Erin tried not to be disappointed when the woman’s hand left her leg.)

Unfortunately, the conversation quickly turned political. Erin wanted to groan, but instead bit her cheek to stop herself responding to the ridiculous statements coming out of her parents’ and aunt and uncle’s mouths.

Holtz finished off her second plate, and put her cutlery down on the plate noisily, interrupting Mrs Gilbert’s anti-vaccination spiel. She looked at Erin. ‘Bathroom?’ She asked.

Erin nodded. ‘I’ll show you.’

Holtz followed her down the hallway.

‘Toilet’s that door there, and bathroom is here.’ Erin said, and moved into the bathroom to check her makeup in the mirror. To her surprised, Holtz followed her in and shut the door.

‘I don’t actually need to go to the bathroom. Just thought you might want a break.’ A grin spread across her face. ‘Also if we stay here for a little bit, they’ll probably think we’re having sex, so… bonus?’

Erin blushed, but didn’t make a move towards the door. She looked at Holtz, a small smile on her face. ‘I’m probably disowned anyway, so why not?’

Holtzmann studied her. ‘I’m sorry about the kitchen story.’

Erin cut her off. ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s fine, I probably should have pre-warned you about certain, uh, sensitive topics in this house. But that’s what the safe word is for anyway.’

‘Yeah,’ Holtz agreed.

‘You’re doing brilliantly, by the way. They might not be outwardly showing it that much, but my parents are completely freaking out.’

Holtz laughed. ‘Do you think they’d believe you if you told them this was my toned-down self?’

Erin raised her eyebrows. ‘Really?’

All she got in response was a wink. Erin shook her head and laughed.

‘At least your mother is an excellent cook,’ Holtz said.  

‘Wait until you try her pumpkin pie.’

‘Pie?’ Holtz’s face lit up.

She nodded. ‘Probably the main reason I still come back here every year.’

‘Ooh, I’m excited.’

Erin looked at her watch. ‘As much as I don’t want to go back out there, we probably should…’

Holtz nodded, a serious look on her face. ‘We can’t miss the pie.’

 

Conversation abruptly ceased as they re-entered the dining room, and Erin knew they’d been talking about her and Holtz.

Erin caught her mother’s eye after sitting down, and she was given a look of such intense disapproval that Erin almost laughed.

‘I’m going to get the pie,’ Mrs Gilbert declared, breaking eye-contact with Erin.

‘I’m sure Phil is sad he’s missing out on your mother’s famous pumpkin pie. He loved it last year.’ Mr Gilbert said.

Erin groaned. ‘He will not be sad. Because we broke up. Mutually. Neither of us want to see each other again.’ She said, through gritted teeth.

‘I assure you, Mr Gilbert, I too am extraordinarily capable of enjoying pie, and cannot wait to try this famous pumpkin pie.’ Holtz grinned, smacking the table for emphasis.

‘That smells amazing,’ Jessica said as Mrs Gilbert carried the pie into the room, halting any further retorts.

The pie was dished up and eaten without much further conversation.

‘Erin, babe, you did not oversell that,’ Holtz said, after literally licking her plate clean, ‘excellent work, Mrs Gilbert.’

Mrs Gilbert managed a strangled smile. ‘Thank you.’

Jessica looked at her son, who was yawning. ‘We better head off soon, we’ll give you a hand cleaning up.’

Everyone moved to help clear the table, under the careful direction of Mrs Gilbert, of course. Erin found herself beginning to relax. The worst of the night was over, and she and Holtz would be getting out of there very shortly.

‘Erin Gilbert.’

Erin stood up quickly from the dishwasher she was stacking, and realised she was alone in the kitchen. With her mother standing at the door, who was immediately joined by her father.

‘I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, Erin.’

She grimaced, stomach dropping.

‘Apparently this is all some big joke to you, bringing someone like that into our household.’

‘Imagine what your aunt and uncle are going to be saying. And what your cousin must be thinking of you.’

Her parents took turns speaking, father staying in the doorway with his arms crossed, mother walking towards her.

‘You’re a bit old for a rebellious phase, don’t you think?’

‘And soon it’s going to be too late for you to recover if you seriously screw your life up?’

Mrs Gilbert sighed dramatically. ‘I don’t know what we did wrong as parents, because you’ve been like this even as a kid. We tried so hard to give you a normal, perfect, easy life, and this is how you repay us?’

‘Always trying to embarrass us.’

‘And succeeding.’

Erin took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, cause it’s all about you guys. Maybe you should have trusted me, or even just listened to me?’ She looked past her dad to see Holtz standing in the hallway, hands in trouser pockets, looking sheepish. Erin clenched her jaw, looking back at her parents. ‘We’re going. Thank you for dinner.’

And with that, she stormed past her dad.

‘Nice to meet you!’ Holtz called back to them cheerily, as she followed Erin down the hallway.

When they reached the front door, Jessica popped her head out of the living room.

‘Erin, wait!’

Erin looked back at Holtz, who was holding the door open. ‘I’ll just be a second.’

Jessica rushed forward and surprised Erin by wrapping her up in a hug. ‘I know she’s not exactly who your parents pictured you dating, but I’m glad you’ve found Holtz.’ She murmured.

The hug ended, and Erin took a step back, looking at her cousin. ‘Oh, thank you.’

Jessica smiled. ‘She makes you laugh. A lot. It’s nice to see.’

Erin considered this, then nodded slightly, a smile creeping up on her face. ‘Thanks.’

And she turned and hurried out to where Holtzmann was waiting by the car.

 

* * *

 

They pulled away, and Erin let out a sigh of relief. ‘Well, surprisingly enough, this is probably the first thanksgiving that I’m not driving home feeling worse than I did when I arrived.’

Holtz raised an eyebrow. ‘I didn’t mean to listen in, but your parents were saying pretty awful stuff.’

Erin waved it off. ‘They’ve said worse. And I actually stood up to them for once. That felt pretty good.’

‘Nice,’ Holtz said, grinning.

‘I know, it’s ridiculous, being my age and only just standing up to my parents for the first time.’ She trailed off, realising that Holtz had probably had her fill of drama and baggage for one night. ‘You definitely made the night bearable. I hope the food made up for the terrible company.’

Holtz looked over at her, grinning. ‘Not all the company was bad.’

‘Oh…’ Erin said, feeling her face heat up for what must have been the millionth time that night.

‘Yeah, that kid Tyler seemed alright!’ Holtz continued.

‘Right, yeah.’ Erin said, embarrassed that she had assumed Holtz was talking about her.

There was a soft punch on her arm. ‘I’m kidding, you’re not the worst.’

‘Oh. Thank you.’ Erin joked, miming a little bow.

‘I’m just sad I didn’t even get to tell half of my favourite stories.’

Erin raised an eyebrow. ‘Like what?’

The rest of the drive was spent with Holtz animatedly telling Erin various stories, some from the lab, some from her college years. At some points Erin was laughing so hard she could barely breath, which probably wasn’t the best for road safety, but it made the heavy weight on her chest feel a hundred times lighter.

Erin tried not to feel disappointed when they pulled up on Holtz’s street. It was late, and she was exhausted, but she realised she was going to miss the other woman’s company.

‘Thank you. Like seriously. That, that was a lot of fun.’ Erin said.

‘Lemme know if you need me to come round for Christmas,’ Holtz joked.

Erin looked away, and then back at Holtz, who didn’t seem to be super eager to leave the car either.

She took a deep breath. ‘Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner before that. Not with my family. Just me. To say thank you. For coming tonight and doing all that for me.’ She blurted out.

Holtz grinned, dimples evident even in low light cast by the streetlights. ‘Erin Gilbert, are you asking me out on an actual date?’

Erin started to stammer, losing her nerve.

Holtzmann reached across the car to grab her hand, looking her in the eye.

‘Because yes.’

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is [elizaataylor](http://elizaataylor.tumblr.com/) (feel free to come and yell w/ me about ghostbusters/holtzbert/kate)  
> Big shout-out to [Fiona](http://literallyfi.tumblr.com/) for letting me liveblog literally the entire process of writing this to you and helping me with important plot decisions (like what Holtz was going to be wearing), and [Erin](http://doctorjarvis.tumblr.com/) for yelling about this with me and your excellent editing skills.  
> (this is my first fic so any kudos and comments would actually make my entire week)  
> Thank you for reading!  
> PS: i'm considering writing a sequel, but do I have a multi-chapter Holtzbert in the works as well!


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